The Dan Vincent Code
posted Tuesday November 5th, 2013 by Crooks

“The Dan Vincent Code” and other Mysteries of the Turkey Bowl

On November 23, 2000, the Thanksgiving Football League officially launched the Ridley Turkey Bowl: A simple, annual football game between high school friends to ensure long-lasting friendships and relationships. Thirteen years have past since that fateful day, and the TFL members, rather combatants, have continued their yearly venture, with the fourteenth edition of the game, as I glance at the countdown clock, 21 days away. Through thirteen years and thirteen Turkey Bowl volumes, there exist particular incidents, plays, interactions, etc. that will be emblazoned in the minds of all those present. Unfortunately though, as time passes and our memories worsen, or, more likely, fill with useless information relayed from our wives and girlfriends, our retention of all the games’ specifics become less and less potent. Proportionately and directly correlated to our lapsing recollections, we are left with: The Mysteries of the Turkey Bowl.

”The Push-Off”
There’s nothing necessarily mysterious about “The Push-off” as it is easily identifiable as the play that ended the first installment of the Turkey Bowl, but, it is in the physicality of the play, the actual interaction between the two players involved, where its lure lies. To this day Tim Dougherty will adamantly claim that your’s truly, Chris Crooks, employed an illegal use of hands and push-off to break free from coverage and secure the ball for the winning TD of TBI. On the other hand, I will, right now, deny that it ever occurred and my pure athleticism allowed me to methodically, using a double-move, Dougherty’s coverage. Unfortunately for Tim, and why it is still a Mystery of the Turkey Bowl, there were not witnesses and no existing footage. The perfect crime.

The Dan Vincent Code
Height: ??
Weight: ??
The Lennay Kekua’s of the TFL, the participation of Dan Blake and Vince Cipalone is a complete and utter mystery to me. On November 22, 2001, in what feels like an unbeknownst manner, Blake and Cipalone arrived at Pritchard Field to play for Beer; not literal beer, but the team Beer. How they received a TB invite and who delivered it, I still do not know. There is, however, one thing I am certain of. Turkey Bowl II and III, which was Cipalone’s second appearance, were statless games; meaning that there exists no record of individual statistics. Hence, there is no numerical evidence that either Cipalone or Blake was even present. Additionally, neither Blake nor Cipalone are mentioned in the game recaps of TB II or III. This begs the question: Were they even there, or was it all in our minds? There are, however, TB II and III group shots that both Cipalone and Blake can be identified in, but, with technology being what it is, I am not ruling out Photoshop foul play.

It’s a Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood
Bernie Roger’s, thankfully for some, dissolved from our group of friends like a fart in the wind. One day he was having sexual relations with a girl, who he had met online and was physically meeting for the first time, in our jovial mountain house, the next he was gone. Many celebrated, few mourned, but we had convinced ourselves that Bernie was lost to the woods of Northern New Jersey forever. Then, without notice, it happened. November 25, 2010, Thanksgiving morning, Turkey Bowl XI, Bernie Rogers appeared. It was almost as if he magically appeared from out the woods of Pritchard that he fell in so carelessly during Turkey Bowl V. I don’t recall speaking with him that day, but I know I haven’t seen him since. On cold Fall nights, when the crescent moon sits high in the sky, Swarthmore residents claim a man, fitting Bernie’s description, moves clumsily about Pritchard Field. Is it Bernie? I do not know, but it is said that the stench of marijuana, Jack Daniels, and chocolate chip cookies is present in the air on those nights.

Hello, Hello
“I’m at a place called Vertigo.” Between bites of Chinese food, sitting in the living room of Matt’s WCU home, Kenny Caldwell’s TFL application was accepted. From his entrance to exit, I do not recall a play he made, or missed, nor does my recollection fondly remember any interaction between him and the TFL post TB III. Rumor is Kenny married and became a PA State Trooper. I honestly think he simply returned to his life as Chris Kirkpatrick.

With the First Pick in the TFL Draft. . .
Tom Orio takes: Paul Middleton
Jon Hart selects: Tony Laughlin

The Upright
Jon Hart went above and beyond TFL membership when he constructed uprights for Pritchard Field. Unfortunately, the devices were too heavy to move from the field’s location. Best option: Put the uprights in the woods and hope nothing happens to them. Fast-forward 4-5 years: One upright is broken and the other lost to the woods of Pritchard, never to be seen again.

We’re Out of Sippables?
Post-game, TB XI, the unthinkable happened: We ran out of alcoholic beverages. Enter Matt Ward. Without a thought and within seconds, Wardo, unwilling to see us in dire straits, dashed to the woods of Pritchard. He didn’t have to pee, he wasn’t fleeing the police; he returned from the woods with beer and soft pretzels. We didn’t ask questions. Nobody wanted to know where the pretzels came from and how long they had been there. We only nodded a thank you and continued to party. ‘Mysterious’ Matty ‘Light’ Ward.

For everything we remember, there’s something we forget, or, at the least, something we just can’t explain. These are the Mysteries of the Turkey Bowl.