Horse Scored?!: Greatest Moments in TFL History
posted Thursday November 8th, 2007 by Crooks

Keeping up with "the greatest" and "the best" themes, I bring to you the greatest moments in Thanksgiving Football League History. Unlike the previous two "the greatest" installments, The Greatest Moments in TFL History will be in a countdown format. Events included will be happenings on and off the field, so long as they happened during the game and at Pritchard.


10. Bernie in the Bushes (TB V): New School Head Coach Bernie Rogers, in full Vince Lombardi gear, found himself totally obliterated for the game. He spent almost the whole morning puking, and who can forget pissing, in the bushes of Pritchard. It was a proud day for him and his family. That kid loves banging girls who bring us cookies. . . . from the internet.

9. The Push Off (TB I): The infamous push off that ended the first installment of the Turkey Bowl. Tim Dougherty v. Chris Crooks. On which would be the final play of the game, Crooks used his push off technique to break free of Tim Dougherty's coverage and provide a victory to Team Possum.

8. "Safety First" Scores his First Touchdown (TB VII): After making numerous appearances as a player and coach in Turkey Bowl games, Sean "The Horse" Kelly scored his first touchdown. It wasn't a game winner or anything, and his team would have scored enough points without that touchdown regardless, but Sean scored. . . and it wasn't even with a big Greek girl.

7. Misty Pudgie!!! (TB VII): Pete Marcelli: Entrepeneur, Father, Husband, and Dog Walker. Misty and Pudgie made an appearance at Turkey Bowl VII and it was phenomenal. These two watch dogs are best known for their ability to break out of Pete's Lunch and get on the Blue Route, but on that day, they totally got in on the game. And also pooped and peed on Pritchard Field, one upping all of us, who have only peed on the field.

6. His Girthiness is Unmatched (TB IV & V): Whoever thought a lineman would be named MVP? Probably none of us, but hey, it's happened twice. The first lineman to ever win the MVP award was John Hart, after dominating the line of scrimmage in Turkey Bowl 4. The following year Keith Cottom stepped it up and led the Old School squad to victory, earning MVP honors along the way. It was a great day for all those who bear the girth.

5. Where's Rayer? (TB V): How can you not show up for the game? That is a question only one person can answer, and his name is Kevin Rayer. Snapper decided that sleep was more important than Turkey Bowl. What kind of decision is that? The Turkey Bowl is more important than the resurrection, and that was Jesus.

4. The Thong Contest (TB I - VII): NEVER HAPPENED!

3. Racoons Come Out During the Day? (TB VII): Rich "The Racoon" DiNofia's record setting, four touchdown performance in Turkey Bowl VII will never be forgotten. Rich, the self-proclaimed MVP of TB VII, could not be stopped. It amazes me that a kid who smokes literally three packs a day has the stamina to score four touchdowns.

2. The Strippage at Pritchard (TB IV): A wide open Tim Dougherty, Dougherty at that point, not yet Dougherty-Gallagher, receives a pass and rightfully heads toward the endzone. Little did Tim know that Mark Marcelli was coming fast from behind (coming fast from behind, that sounds funny). Mark proceeded to strip Tim (at the one yard line), and on the ensuing possession his team marched down the field to victory.

1. "You named the trophy after who?" - John Crooks Jr. (TB III): The emergence of The "Dickey/Township" Trophy in Turkey Bowl III changed the face of the game. With not only bragging rights on the line, but that prestigious piece of hardware, players pulled out all the stops. "Time Magazine" actually ranks Dickey as the number two most influential person of all time behind only Abraham Lincoln.

You may agree, you may disagree, but you have to admit they are some of the best moments in Turkey Bowl History. Let's not forget some of our honorable mention moments: Coach Horse being too drunk to walk off the field, Matt's fumble recovery on the first play of TB VII for a touchdown, the argument between Bill Pohlig and Cottom over some physical contact, and of course, Sergeant "Special Forces" Slaughter, the butt of many of your message board jokes, being named MVP of Turkey Bowl VI. The seven installments have been amazing, and as we get older, slower, and fatter, they are only going to get better.