It's that time again: TURKEY BOWL SEASON. Once again myself (Chris Crooks - VP of Public Relations and Writing),
Rayer
and John Lohn convene our once a year sit down to preview this year's dog cage, desert storm, battle. Captain
Sergeant Slaughter will bring his
Bad Newz Kennels into battle with Captain
Kevin Rayer's Sand Naggers. With the draft completed and the teams selected, the strengths and weaknesses of each team is obvious, and the exploitation of these weaknesses is a topic for discussion.
Let's take a look at each team without thinking of the opponent or the match-ups...
The Bad Newz Kennels sport obvious strength and size. "Bad Newz's linemen are so big that if the three of them each took a shit it would outweigh the Sand Naggers" commented Lohn. I'd have to agree; the size of the girth triplets,
Keith Cottom,
Tuna, and
Tim Dougherty-Gallagher cannot be matched.
Tony Laughlin and
Matt Marcelli provide Bad Newz with height, while Sergeant Slaughter is strong coming off the line. What about speed you ask?
DiNofia
"
Rich DiNofia has proven that despite putting Mr. Marlboro's kids through college (all seven year programs), he can still run with the best of them," Lohn added. Lohn continued, "In addition,
Sean Kelly is coming off a one touchdown performance last year, and has been keeping himself in shape by wearing blue-striped button downs constantly." Whatever that means. Sean is shifty on the field, and has gained a great deal of quickness the last few years when he decided he wanted to be black and spend all his time preaching to the HOVA and playing basketball. When it comes down to it, strength, height, and size are all on Bad Newz's side.
From Rayer's childhood days of annoying people in sand boxes come the Sand Naggers. This team lacks size, strength, and height, but makes up for it with incredible speed.
Mark Marcelli,
Paul Middleton, and, of course,
me, should be flying all over the field. In addition, strong possession receivers, with speedy first five yards, Kevin Rayer and
Bill Pohlig will prove helpful.
Mike Trill is experienced throwing the ball, and, if needed,
Tom Orio will not throw one pass.
Cookie
The only size on the Sand Naggers' squad comes from veteran lineman
John Hart, and inexperienced and unproven Tom Orio. Lohn commented in reference to Orio, "That kid is playing again? That means I'm going to have to listen to that awful '
Cookie! Cookie!' chant coming from his girlfriend again? Bullshit!" Indeed you will John. Strength, height, and size are all working against the Naggers, but speed kills.
The Bootlegger's staff has provided problems for Trill in the past
This may be the most lopsided game in Turkey Bowl history when it comes to match-ups. Bad Newz wins the battle in the trenches; John Hart can only do so much against Tuna, Tony, and Cottom, but don't rule out a scrappy Hart, and hopefully a much-improved Tom Orio. Mike Trill v. Tim Gallagher: Trill has thrown more touchdown passes than Tim, and in recent years has proven the more effective quarterback. In addition, Trill is much more mobile; this mobility will come in handy when he is being rushed by the Bootlegger's bouncing squad. Receiver wise it looks like the match-ups favor the Naggers. There is entirely too much speed to cover. The elder Marcelli owns the all time touchdown record, but one man cannot slow down Middleton, Crooks, and Mark. The Naggers also boast last year's top receiver in Kevin Rayer.
Keys To The Game
Bad Newz: Get to Mike Trill and force him into bad throws. Find ways to slow down the Nagger receivers at the line. On offense throw short, possession passes to nickel and dime the Naggers down the field.
Sand Naggers: Get the ball in the hands of your fast, play making receivers. Find ways to protect Trill. Play your men tight on defense and stick them at the line (they cannot out run you through pattern passes).
