2008 Draft Preview
posted Monday September 15th, 2008 by Scout.com

On November 22, 2008 18 players will grace Pritchard Field for Turkey Bowl IX, the most combatants ever to participate in any Turkey Bowl. With this plethora of athletes, the 2008 Draft (September 28th) should prove interesting. Captains Tim Dougherty and Mike Trill will have to use both cunning and guile to select a winning squad. With this in mind three Turkey Bowl gurus (ie Matt, Mark and Crooks) will analyze this year's player pool.

Bucella, Tuna
6'3'' 333 lbs OL/DL
Tuna, who looks like he ate the entire lollipop guild, comes into Turkey Bowl IX as one of the top lineman in this year's draft class. Through a strict regimen of bench pressing, then selling, pick up trucks Tuna has worked himself back into the playing shape that originally earned him the nickname "Big Kahuna" back in 2000.

Crooks says: Tuna may have the body of a football player, but he has also been strengthening his mind by playing keyboard for local band Le Compt
Matt says: I think Crooks' analysis of Tuna would have been better, but he's still pissed that he took his wife to the Junior Prom back in high school
Mark says: No comment
Rating:
Projected: 1st or 2nd round


Cottom, Keith
5'11'' 258 lbs OL/DL
As the most accomplished lineman in TFL history Cottom's game has needed little work over the past few year's; however, cruising around the streets of Darby has made Cottom tougher than ever. He will be looking to dominate TBIX as he tries to become the first player to ever to start their career 5-0.

Crooks says: Apparently Cottom's sweat has more fat in it than cooking grease
Mark says: Cottom's so tough he eats Big Macs and shits nails
Rating:
Projected: 1st overall


Crooks, Chris
5'10'' 160 lbs WR/DB
Crooks is the first of many "generic" receivers that we will encounter while analyzing this draft. Unfortunately, once the first two or three wide outs are off the board anyone after that can be classified as hit or miss.

Matt says: He claims to be using the revolutionary "P90X" training regimen to get ready for this year's game, I'm not buying it
Mark says: I never got Ghost Busters 2. Why would a painting want a new born child?
Rating:
Projected: 4th round


Slaughter, Sergeant
5'9'' 180lbs WR/DB
The only TFL member who could plead insanity to any crime and get away with it, Slaughter wreaked havoc in last year's game. He combines size, power and speed to be one of the best WR in this draft.

Mark says: Like Hurricane Katrina hitting New Orleans, Sergeant Slaughter is guaranteed to fuck something up
Matt says: I'm looking forward to seeing how he paints his face this year
Rating:
Projected: 3rd round


DiNofia, Rich
5'7'' 165 lbs WR/DB
Rich doesn't let his two-pack-a-day habit slow him down, as evidenced by his four TD performance in Turkey Bowl VII; and he still remains one of the premiere DBacks in this draft.

Crooks says: Rich has exhaled more smoke in his lifetime than a locomotive steam engine
Rating:
Projected: 4th or 5th round


Doubet, Joe
5'8'' 165 lbs WR/DB
After a one year hiatus Doubet reenters the TFL Draft for the first time since 2006. He spent the last year planning Dolan's IPO and became a very rich man when the bar rewarded their best customer with partial ownership.

Mark says: What the fuck is an IPO?
Rating:
Projected: 6th or 7th round


Hart, Ian
6'2'' 190 lbs WR/DB
Tall, but slow, Ian Hart comes in as a complete unknown. His height could be a distinct advantage in the red zone, but his body may not be ready for Turkey Bowl football.

Matt says: I really don't know what to expect here. He could score three times, or he could be relegated to line by the end of the game
Crooks says: If he plays football like he plays D pole, we could be in for a sorry sight
Mark says: A complete mystery, he could turn out to be the steal of the draft
Rating: ?
Projected: 5th or 6th round


Hart, Jon
5'10'' 210 lbs OL/DL
Many people forget that before Hart there was no such thing as a full time lineman. Back in the day everyone would argue over who was going to play line, but John takes pride in his success in the trenches. He may be the smallest out of all the available linemen, but he might just be the best pound for pound.

Mark says: Whether bar backing, driving monster trucks or rushing the passer Hart is efficient
Rating:
Projected: 2nd thru 4th round


Kelly, Sean
5'8'' 150 lbs WR/DB
Athletic but lazy, you never know if Horse will show up drunk, be ready to play, or still be in jail from the night before. If he can be motivated he is a legit scoring threat, but still ranks near the bottom of the available wide receivers.

Mark says: I got two questions: Did he get corn holed in that jail cell? And did he boff that girl in Chicago?
Crooks says: I wonder if he signs "Deborah Kelly" when he uses his mom's Macy's card
Rating:
Projected: 8th round


Laughlin, Tony
6'0'' 220 lbs OL/DL
Probably the fastest and quickest out of all the available linemen, he has proven to be more of an asset on the defensive line rather than on offense. He also brings a serious work ethic and attitude to the game.

Mark says: Provides a quick first step with power
Crooks says: Reminds me of a balding clydesdale
Matt says: He has come up with some big sacks in his three year career
Rating:
Projected: 2nd round


Marcelli, Mark
5'10'' 165 lbs WR/DB
Mark's a playmaker; you may not know where he is on every play but every once in a while he will show up with a big time reception or defensive play. Unfortunately his inconsistency can cause him to get lumped in with the rest of the "generic" receivers.

Crooks says: Mark has lost a step since Steph cut his afro in 2004
Mark says: Must show up on time to be an impact player
Matt says: The combination of his athleticism and lack of effort would drive me nuts if I was his captain
Rating:
Projected: 4th round


Marcelli, Matt
6'0'' 190 lbs WR/DB
Tall, not slow but not fast, Marcelli is the only receiver to score in every Turkey Bowl since stats have been recorded. He is the all time leader in touchdowns scored (10) and touchdown receptions (8).

Crooks says: I wonder if he'll grow a rat tail again
Matt says: I guarantee he keeps his scoring streak in tact
Mark says: Carple Tunnel Syndrome may slow him down soon
Rating:
Projected: 3rd or 4th round


Middleton, Paul
5'11'' 206 lbs WR/QB/DB
Fat but fast, his reflexes may be waning as evidenced by the fact that he wasn't able to dodge a dart during a recent game at Durty Nelly's (source: the Horse). He still ranks as a top three receiver though, and is by far the best dual threat (QB-WR) player in this draft.

Crooks says: The only man in TFL history to ever use a tampon
Matt says: I'm shocked that he can still get it done with his ever expanding waste line
Rating:
Projected: 3rd or 4th round


Orio, Tom
6'0'' 190 lbs OL/WR/DL/DB
The "Non-Factor" is back and better than ever for 2008. For TBIX he is sure to be out of shape with only a month between his honeymoon and the game. He is still unproven as both a lineman and a receiver and must show up to play in this year's game to gain some respect.

Mark says: Once ate 18 slices of pizza in one weekend in Sea Isle, will he be on the field for 18 plays this year?
Crooks says: "Mark, do you want a pair of jeans? They don't fit me anymore."
Rating:
Projected: 8th round


Pohlig, Bill
5'8'' 175 lbs WR/DB
Pohlig was a productive receiver at the beginning of his career, but hasn't scored a touchdown in the last three Turkey Bowls. Has dabbled at both line and quarterback over the past few years.

Crooks says: Opie & Anthony aren't as good as Howard Stern
Mark says: Must find holes in the defensive zone like he's forechecking at Ice Works
Rating:
Projected: 6th or 7th round


Rayer, Kevin
5'10'' 226 lbs WR/DB
Rayer has been lifting in preparation for this year's game. He doesn't have an atheltic look to him, but he has been very consistent throughout the course of his career.

Mark says: Must attack the cage
Crooks says: I heard he ate two Qdoba burritos in one sitting
Matt says: How does someone his size still produce like he does?
Rating:
Projected: 3rd thru 5th round

Mel Kiper's Best Available
	Player	Height	Weight	Off. Positions	Def. Positions
1.	Cottom, Keith	5'11	258 lbs	OL	DL
2.	Bucella, Tuna	6'3	333 lbs	OL	DL
3.	Laughlin, Tony	6'0	220 lbs	OL	DL
4.	Slaughter, Sergeant	5'9	180 lbs	WR	DB
5.	Middleton, Paul	5'11	206 lbs	WR/QB	DB
6.	Hart, Jon	5'10	210 lbs	OL	DL
7.	Marcelli, Matt	6'0	190 lbs	WR	DB
8.	Rayer, Kevin	5'10	226 lbs	WR	DB
9.	Marcelli, Mark	5'10	165 lbs	WR	DB
10.	Crooks, Chris	5'10	160 lbs	WR	DB
11.	Hart, Ian	6'2	190 lbs	WR	DB
12.	DiNofia, Rich	5'7	165 lbs	WR	DB
13.	Pohlig, Bill	5'8	175 lbs	WR	DB
14.	Doubet, Joe	5'8	165 lbs	WR	DB
15.	Kelly, Sean	5'8	150 lbs	WR	DB
16.	Orio, Tom	6'0	190 lbs	WR/OL	DB/DL