The Day TFL Football Will Go To Hell
posted Friday October 10th, 2008 by Crooks

On November 27, 2008, 18 TFL members will once again meet on Pritchard Field to decide yet another Turkey Bowl contest. Turkey Bowl IX will feature Thug U and their counterparts Linebacker U. With the teams set in stone, it is time to take our yearly look at the match-ups and provide final predictions.
THUG U: Team Preview
Thug U very much resembles The Bad Newz Kennels of Turkey Bowl VIII. Mike Trill did his best to keep BNK in tact, but swapped Tuna Bucella and “The Triple D’s”: Slaughter, Dougherty, and DiNofia, for himself, Kevin Rayer, Jon Hart, and Chris Crooks. The Thug U line boasts great size, power, and experience in Hart, Keith "Darby Tuff" Cottom, and Tony "The Animal" Laughlin. Cottom and Hart have more experience in the trenches than any other TFL linemen, and Tony has proven that he can be an incredible defensive force, unofficially leading the TFL in sacks and tackles for a loss. Thug U boasts a receiving core that, with the exception of Sean "The Big A" Kelly, has proven to be incredibly consistent. Kevin Rayer has scored a touchdown in every Turkey Bowl he has appeared in, Matt Marcelli has scored a receiving TD in all but one TB, Chris Crooks has reached the end zone in six of eight TB’s, and Joe Doubet has scored in two of his four Turkey Bowl appearances. In addition, the elder Marcelli also leads the TFL in touchdown receptions.

THUG U: Major Questions
Four major questions loom over the Thug U team: Will Sean Kelly show up to play, will Joe Doubet’s speed limit his usefulness, will Mike Trill play a consistent game, and how will Thug U stop Slaughter? Predicting whether or not Horse will come to the game with an intent and passion is as easy to answer as the age-old question, “What is the meaning of life?” So, to put it simply, I really don’t know. The Joe Doubet question is a little easier to answer. No, Joe Doubet’s lack of speed will not limit his play. Linebacker U boasts at least two possible receivers that are as slow, if not slower, than Doubet. Trill has had a tendency to be a little shaky, but with a strong line in front of him, this reporter does not foresee many problems for the young quarterback. Stopping Sergeant has proven tough. As of right now, Chris Crooks is slotted to cover Slaughter, which worked out great for Crooks in Turkey Bowl VI, but horrible for him in Turkey Bowl VIII. But the Thug U team has devised an interesting strategy for this scenario. I’d love to talk about it, but I don’t want to give away any team secrets.

LINEBACKER U: Team Preview
The overall opinion amongst TFL members is that Tim Dougherty laid a huge egg at this year’s draft, but there are three major things Tim can depend on: His arm, Sergeant Slaughter's intensity, and Tuna's size. Tuna is by far the largest and probably strongest TFL competitor; he has proven to be quite an adversary for opposing teams. The question is who will join Tuna on the line? But I’ll tackle that question later. Dougherty leads the league in TD passes, but will he be playing quarterback? Another question that will be looked at later. No matter who is taking the snaps, they have a dependable receiver in Sergeant Slaughter. Sergeant is coming off a four-touchdown performance in TB VIII and has no intentions of letting up this year. Linebacker U can also look to receivers Mark Marcelli and Paul Middleton for production, Paul being the only TFL member ever to score a special team’s touchdown. Doc’s team is rounded out by receivers Bill Pohlig, Rich DiNofia, and Ian Hart, and lineman/receiver Tom "Mr. Irrelevant" Orio.

LINEBACKER U: Major Questions
Who will play line alongside Tuna? Possible players would be Tom Orio, Tim Dougherty, Ian Hart, and Sergeant Slaughter. Tim is your incumbent quarterback, and your back-up, Middleton, can’t stand to take the snaps and is a receiving threat you don’t want to lose. Tom Orio, who has good size, lacks the overall strength to consistently block Cottom, Hart, and Tony; and rookie Ian Hart is completely untested. Sergeant Slaughter, who is also a fantastic receiver, may be the only other Linebacker U member who is strong enough to hold off the big boys of Thug U. In most of these scenarios, Linebacker U would be losing a significant role player at another position if one were forced to play line. Will the sporadic play of Rich DiNofia and Bill Pohlig help or hurt Linebacker U? Rich and Bill both have put up solid touchdown numbers, but four of six of Rich’s receiving TD’s came in one game, and Bill has yet to score a receiving touchdown since Turkey Bowl V. What, if any, affect will newcomer Ian Hart have in the contest? This I can’t even comment on, but if Paul or Sergeant is forced to play quarterback or line, Ian better have a phenomenal game.

BETTER OFFENSE?
I’m going to have to go with Thug U here and for a couple particular reasons. Reason One: The Offensive Line. Thug U’s line is completely fortified by proven lineman and, in comparison to Linebacker U, we might as well call it NFL caliber. Reason Two: Wide Receiver Consistency. Thug U’s receiving core, of course with the exception of Sean, is proven in and out. Each player has scored in half, if not the majority, of Turkey Bowl’s they have played in. On the other side of the ball, only Sergeant has scored in each TB he has appeared in, and only Paul and Rich have scored receiving touchdowns in half the games they have played in. Every other Linebacker U receiver has caught touchdown passes in less than half of their appearances.

BETTER DEFENSE?
Once again Thug U takes it, even though Linebacker U players have a total of 5 defensive touchdowns in comparison to Thug U’s 3. The match-ups just favor Thug U. Linebacker U’s three best receivers, if you were to put Paul at QB and Tim on the line, would be Slaughter, DiNofia, and Mark. Thug U’s three best Defensive Backs and Safety selection would be Crooks, Matt, Trill, and Rayer. Match-ups would be Crooks/Sergeant, Matt/Mark, Trill/DiNofia, and Rayer at Safety. The only outright one on one win for Linebacker U would be Sergeant over Crooks, but that can always be compensated with short or long Safety help. Now with Cottom, Hart, and/or Tony rushing the passer, I have to give Thug U the advantage. Mark and Matt are evenly matched across the board, and I think Trill can cover Rich no problem.

INTERESTING MATCH-UPS
Crooks vs. Pohlig: Probably won’t happen.
Crooks vs. Slaughter: Probably will happen. Crooks had a great showing in TB 6, reversed in TB 8. Speed wise they match up well, but Sergeant is stronger hands down. Crooks will have to beat the bump off the line on offense, a lot of motion up and down the line of scrimmage will be needed, and defensively, Crooks is going to have to find a way to bump a stronger Slaughter on the line. But like I said earlier, Thug U has already started planning for this.
Pohlig vs. Horse: This could be very, very interesting if it happens. This all depends on how hard Sean wants to play.
Mark vs. Matt: I love this match-up. It seems like it happens a lot. This is a pretty even draw and I can’t wait to see how it pans out.
Middleton vs. Rayer: They are both about the same size now so this could be good. It’s a BFF war. Shifty Paul going up against hard-hitting Rayer: The possibilities are endless.

COMPLETE POSSIBILITIES
Chris Crooks vs. Mark Marcelli
Matt Marcelli vs. Sergeant Slaughter

FINAL SCORE PREDICTION
THUG U 15, LINEBACKER U 8