9 & 9 for Turkey Bowl IX
posted Sunday November 9th, 2008 by Crooks

Turkey Bowl IX is fast approaching; the message board is heating up and the shit talking is kicking in. The teams are set, named, and continually hating on one another. With each team claiming victory in their name already, I bring you the 9 & 9: The 9 reasons Thug U can win TB IX and the 9 reasons why Linebacker U can win TB IX.

THE 9 REASONS THUG U CAN WIN TB IX

• Tony Laughlin and Keith Cottom are on the line.
Tony and Keith are big, strong, and tested. Each is fairly mobile and plays the game with a blatant disregard for their own and anyone else’s safety.

• Mike Trill is excellent when he has protection.
Trill has proven, especially in Turkey Bowl VII, that when given time, he can pick a defense apart. He has also shown that when not provided with time, he will fall apart. To refute this, reread the previous reason featuring Tony and Cottom.

• Matt Marcelli has the ability to own his brother.
Matt has scored a touchdown in every Turkey Bowl. He is the only TFL member who garners this honor, and in many of these TB’s, Mark covered Matt. Consistency is the key to winning games, and Matt’s performance has been incredibly consistent.

• Tony’s and Cottom’s special teams abilities.
Tony has the ability to throw a touchback every time he kicks off and Cottom’s elephant legs punt like no other.

• Jon Hart is the perfect substitute lineman.
Hart is the most experienced lineman in the TFL. He may be the smallest of the illustrious four, but he may only be needed at line when and if Tony or Cottom needs a breather. It’s a nice benefit for Thug U knowing that your backup lineman is a former MVP at that position.

• Chris Crooks will beat the bump at the line of scrimmage.
Crooks has been practicing beating the bump at the line and has learned how to use his speed to defeat it.

• Linebacker U’s lack of a solid second lineman.
With Trill drafting three of the four great TFL linemen, Linebacker U is left with a huge question mark. Linebacker U Quarterback Tim Dougherty claims that Tom Orio will suffice, but this only adds to this point being in favor of a Thug U win.

• Mike Trill and Sean Kelly have the ability to shut down Linebacker U receivers Rich DiNofia and Bill Pohlig.
Trill and DiNofia match up pretty evenly and if, and this is a big IF, Sean Kelly shows up to play, his athleticism could shine through. Sean is quicker and faster than many people believe, and his play could be vital to a Thug U victory.

• Kevin Rayer is not nearly as out of shape as people think.
This reporter has heard from multiple sources that Kevin Rayer looked great in the Cabrini College Alumni Lacrosse Game. I know that lacrosse and football are two different sports, but if Rayer can still run midfield then he can run routes and play effectively at safety.


THE 9 REASONS LINEBACKER U CAN WIN TB IX

• Tim Dougherty is one hell of a quarterback.
Yes, Tim Doc is slow. Yes, Tim Doc’s knees are shot to shit. Yes, Tim Doc can’t really scramble. Yes, Tim Doc’s arm is strong and accurate. That strength and accuracy could be one hell of a problem for Thug U.

• Sergeant Slaughter is a beast.
Sergeant is strong and has the stamina of Triple Crown winner. He is coming off a huge game in Turkey Bowl VIII, and if Thug U doesn’t figure out how to stop him, he could have another multi touchdown performance.

• Tuna Bucella is the size of an NFL lineman.
Tuna is huge, no doubt about that. He can move when he wants, and as long as he stays sober the night before the game, he can block anyone.

• Mark Marcelli and Paul Middleton could have huge games.
If Sergeant is contained, Mark and Paul could be crucial components to a Linebacker U victory. Mark is not overly fast or strong, but he is a flat out athlete. Paul is a dual threat at quarterback and receiver, and could find himself helping his team at numerous positions.

• Middleton could possibly be the best return man in the game.
Paul is the only TFL member to ever score a special teams touchdown. He sees the field very well and finds holes in kick and punt coverage.

• Rich DiNofia and Bill Pohlig could turn in one of their multi touchdown, sporadic performances.
Bill and Rich have had games where they have each scored at least three times each. If they both decide to have one of those games this year they may solidify Linebacker U’s chances of winning.

• Sergeant or Tim plays line.
Sergeant and Tim are both very strong, much stronger than the other line choices for their team: Tom Orio, Bill Pohlig, and Ian Hart. If Paul can put together a solid QB performance, Sergeant and Tim can be utilized to block either Cottom, Tony, or Jon Hart.

• Linebacker U takes advantage of Joe Doubet in coverage.
Joe doesn’t have the best defensive track record. He could be a Thug U liability and a Linebacker U blessing.

• Linebacker U has the only receiver who stands over 6’ in Ian Hart.
Although untested, you can’t deny that Ian Hart is tall. The jump ball in the end zone could be a great opportunity for Linebacker U to score when Ian Hart is at receiver.